The Art of SubTweeting

I was surprised that some tweeps still don’t know what Subtweeting means. So this article should be the death of that rather annoying “What is a Subtweet” question or else I’ll continue answering you the Kenyan way >> It’s a Subaru tweet. It’s a Submarine tweet. It’s a Submachine gun tweet. It’s a tweet that substitutes a previous tweet when it gets tired. So anyway, Sub tweeting involves directly referring to a particular person without mentioning their name or directly mentioning them. A subtweet is actually a shortened form of the word Subliminal tweet in which someone talks about you behind your back but sort of in your face on twitter. It’s a tweet about someone but not at someone hence the sub-tweeted person is not mentioned by their twitter name (@). Now if you are reading this and you are not yet on twitter, you got some sheets to change. Let’s face it, we all subtweet each other somehow unless you tag people every time you make a statement. If you’ve never encountered a subtweeter, then you are the subtweeter. This antic can be so annoying yet entertaining at the same time. A friend of mine thought it wise to ask me if i could write about the art of subtweeting and i thought, heck why not so here we are. Let me indulge you.

Twitter is more fun in real life for most users. I mean 5 years of 140 character musings on nearly everything under the sun, ain’t that huge. The art of Sub-tweeting which is a major pet peeve entails a sub-tweeter (the one who sub-tweets), the sub-tweeted and the Subtweet itself. Pray you don’t find yourself in the mix as this equals public scrutiny on twitter and beyond if the news lands on professional rumor mongers. This is where I’d rather you grab your popcorn, get some yoghurt and watch your Timeline (TL) as fools (for lack of a better word) go in hard! I have said this before, subtweeters should be shot dead. Their cowardice is totally unacceptable. Wait till you see grown ass men on your TL subtweeting from morning to morning breaking all kinds of man laws. STFU go hang your balls and watch them dry. Instead of coming to me with an issue you have with me, you want to subtweet all day, suddenly showing your anger to the world is a good look, right?

Subtweeting has become the new normal so to speak. Such tweets don’t even need the hash-tag (#Subtweet) to know that they are. Many tweeps like yours truly have now mastered the art of detecting a Subtweet from afar and researching real quick on whom it is meant for. It gives a mystery to solve and i solve it alright. Sadly, the slow never know who is talking to whom. I am a ‘victim’ of being subtweeted for one week straight by someone i considered a great friend thinking they was as blatant i am but alas, one week and i was finally blocked, lol. Hey that shit was too obvious to tell. Even celebrities have used twitter as a platform to air their dirty linen and are more prone to such acts that always leave a bad taste especially since the public can miscontrue loads of bull. Their only hope is that the subtweets will achieve will achieve the intended purpose which is to publicly vent about another person so they’ll see it. If your subtweet goes unnoticed, it was a waste of time and a space of 140 characters. Shout out to everyone who subtweets tweeps that don’t even follow them, smh! And to those who subtweet the whole day with 0 followers, i have no words for you. I saw someone tweeting “You better be on my page or miss tweets directed at you” niccar please!

An unknown author wrote “If a person is unable to handle an issue head-on, and the reasoning isn’t motivated by fear then that shows a critical character flaw that needs to be addressed quickly.” The irony is that you’ll say something snarky about your about your partner, ex of frienemy, fire them all day and nobody cares except that person. Again if you ever find yourself tweeting about how you hate that someone tweets his or her favorite Kidum lines (cough) or how you can’t stand people participating in Trending Topics (TT) such as #tittytuesday, you really ought to kill yourself but first delete your account then go hang. Some tweeps subtweet each other till they make up via subtweets. It’s crazy, others hate getting subtweeted but love subtweeting others with zeal, double standards much? No one loves to be subtweeted anyway, unfortunately “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” is an exaggerated fantasy. Words are powerful weapons that can also act as self esteem boosters. Woe unto you if you encounter the subtweeters who go online, create a facade and be whatever they want (cyber thugs). When anonymity is involved, do not even bother with such.

Enter the paranoid. If you feel someone is subtweeting you, confront them else you have absolutely no reason to be mad. However some think they are being subtweeted all the frigging time, guilty souls. That too can be so annoying, some ain’t even worth a subtweet. I’m just saying. I sampled some examples:

“I just hope Oomf wasn’t talking about me in that tweet”

“So this girl is subtweeting me, get somewhere. You are not shit. Bye”

“Why are we subtweeting each other? Lol. I thought we were better than that. Guess not”

“When i don’t hear from my subtweeter i begin to wonder does she get caught up in my playing house instead of noticing what’s real?”

Then there is this type “Hey subtweeter, it’s just me and you, don’t worry about the rest” whom i always feel like in on them like a 50 cent built homo prison thug doing 25 to life with no Vazeline nor Nivea for men but then i remember i ain’t even a man, tsk tsk! I’ll start doing the honors of tagging them with Cc.

Let me play the devil’s advocate left right center and say, some things are too good to say to your face. Somebody’s gotta get the job done. People are going to talk regardless so its only fair to give them a reason to. Why put the (@) or the person’s screen name in your tweet when you can let them agonize in your ambiguity. You tweet something and 397, 349.547 people people think it’s about them, now that’s fun! On the sunny side, it can be used to send sweet nothings to the admirer. You know those flirty tweets nShit! It seems to be the only way to express ho you really feel. A Subtweet (haiku) is powerful with the right tools and tags.

The art of subtweeting in itself has certain epic fails when it comes to the subsequent twists and turns -:

#He subtweets her, she sub retweets him, he sub sub retweets her *sigh* she has no clue the subtweeted subretweet was about her.

#She subtweets him during twitter after dark assuming he’s gone to sleep, he sees it and mentions her. she mutes him, he blocks her.

#You say you hate subtweeters yet you are actually subtweeting about it. guess I’m also subtweeting?

#You send group subtweets and they tend to believe you are talking about them. You get yourself in trouble and in the process you confuse yourself with the multi subtweets.

#He subtweets her, she finds out and confronts him but he completely denies it yet it was pretty obvious.

#Subtweeting about being subtweeted and act like that’s not subtweeting.

#Reading people’s tweets, a thought is inspired and he tweets about. She however insinuates that he’s subtweeting her.

#She has 6 and 1/2 followers, she follows 11 people and thinks it’s too hard for people to figure out who she is subtweeting.

#You subtweet all day about how corny a certain someone is, yet everybody knows the person doesn’t exist!

#He always subtweets about all and sundry but in actual sense it’s never out of experience, just wishful thinking.

#She subtweets someone but deletes it straight after. People see it but it’s gone. Do they really see it? why delete?

Subtweeting a person is one thing but telling somebody else to subtweet that same person Smh you fail at life. After all is said and done, make sure you tag my name in it. Otherwise. i wont respect you or anything you stand for which in my opinion is bitchassness. And no, I’m not telling you how to run your twitter. It’s never that serious, yes?